Purple Paisley

Lately I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed & My faith in humanity and the omniverse in general has been flagging. But this story is not about that. Although, my self immolation is an integral part of this story.
The is about the kind of random awesomeness that happens to me literally all the time and I know it is this universe’s way of saying hey don’t lose hope. It’s the small things really, you know?
I went to the charity run thrift store where they let people have stuff and I’m not ashamed; if there’s any perk to being poor, it’s that other nice people give you free stuff that other poor people donate. I have always loved thrift stores even when I had money because I hate how we just throw things away. Recycle y’all. Everything has purpose.
Also, since I’ve had to flee every living space in the last 7 years without most of my personal belongings, I’m so sick of starting over but I do need grown up things like knives & food. I keep my expectations low & my gratitude high because I am grateful & nobody has to do these gracious acts but many do & I appreciate that. It guides me in my own personal practice to pay their kindness forward out of ultimate respect. And it’s all good and well. They offer a little bit of food which is great, it helps when you’re on a very tight budget. They also offer clothes and what not; I’ve gotten a couple of pair of cute shoes there. But today 2 great things happened. #1 I found A completely intact set of Sears hot rollers with all the original pins to hold them in and it’s the same set I 1st had in 6th grade approximately 40 years ago. I love hot rollers so much this was the find of a century. I plugged them in and they still get kind of hot, good enough. So super stoked.
THEN, this is where it gets even AWESOMER than the food & the rollers & the knives & the weird thing to cook my eggs in the microwave without them splooging everywhere — anyway, I digress.
#2 I was on my scooter and I ended up getting a lot more stuff than I was expecting because I had not gone into the houseware department of this awesome place before. So I’m trying to stack things up on my scooter and I have my backpack and I have a little basket in the back but I also have these 2 plastic sacks; my rollers and what not. I am trying to stack this to get home on my scooter, and mind you there are 30mph winds today, my entire trip was comical, my scooter kept swerving & the wind almost stopped me dead as my electric scooter struggled to meet its power head on. I had to take back roads to use buildings as shelter. It was nutso!
Anyway! As I’m about to leave with this ridiculous bounty, a very nice gentleman named Daniel walked up to me and he said I think I have a bag for you to put those extra things in if that will help you and I was embarrassed. I had already gotten so many awesome things on this visit and I didn’t wanna be greedy. But you know he was offering and I did need it, so I said yes. Instantly I felt terrible because I was like oh my gosh someone else probably needs that bag and I should have thought ahead… I just always feel like I’m taking too much and not giving enough. Even though I know that’s not true, I just don’t succeed as often as I want to help people & I take every failure to heart. It’s a very ugly inner dialogue I inherited from my mother. I’m working on it.
So when he comes out & hands me THIS BAG, I mean this freaking particular bag, I almost cried. I thought he was gonna bring me a burlap sack, which I would’ve loved! Sincerely. But Daniel brought me this delightful PURPLE & PAISLEY tote in brand new condition. This place is a loosely organized garage sale. Knick knacks. Curios. Crap. I love it all but it overwhelms me. It doesn’t take much for me to be overstimulated with the everything being everywhere. Smells. Colors. I can’t stay in there very long.
Anyone who knows me eventually learns 3 of my favorite things in all of reality are the color purple 💜 & (among many patterns) the paisley & mandala (Buddhist inspired) designs. (Patterns & textures & colors & smells & tastes may all be both triggers or calming agents for my C-PTSD & autism) They both comfort me like nag champa & Egyptian Licorice tea. I adore them both. So when I tell you, this man Daniel, who I had never laid eyes on me before he approached me, went into this warehouse of chaos & tchotchkes & somehow found the one bag I absolutely adored & could never turn down, I am gobsmacked! Not sure how I missed it. Or how no one else has taken it. A bag that no one who knew me for decades would have better chosen, a bag I have loved my entire life. & he just gave it to me like it wasn’t the most ginormous biggest freaking awesome deal ever. Just like that. NBD.
I think that was the Omniverse telling me I am sometimes an asshole to myself. Suggesting I can try at least being as nice to me as complete strangers are.
I’ve said so many times — I do not believe in coincidences. I really needed some kind of sign that my current efforts are valuable & my path is honorable. I don’t need lightning to strike or some grand divine gesture. A purple paisley tote from Daniel just refueled my determination & buoyed my faith perfectly. Very subtle yet not at all subtle.
Gonna send Daniel a thank you note.
I’m always grateful for any help I get from anywhere but there’s certainly something special about the Ministry of Hope organization.

Hurricane Kristain

As with surviving any natural disaster, I am left feeling both devastated and relieved. I weathered the storm, but now its time to rebuild and reconstruct a shelter to stave off any such destruction as I now know possible.
This time I will use steel to fortify my foundation and Ft Knox will envy my security.
I will never be caught off guard again.

Sick

Adored by many, hated by some; loved by each and all.
Worshipped and despised by the very same.
Hoping to see the fall.
Or capitalize on the fame.
Often both; in ways large and small, no matter the cost;
kill the artist, the art is lost.
Along with the cure.

Blithely dismiss all of humanity
for the sake of the inanity of establishment
and an agreed upon illusion.
This cultlike collusion for mediocrity
will not be tolerated and shall be destroyed.
On behalf the institution of truth.
Kshatryia has been deployed.
The path of a tornado; unavoidable revolution.

Feed on greed and the seeds you plant
will grow as weeds
nourished by your selfish slant of give me over
let me,
take and take.
How much does anyone need for heaven’s sake?
There is so much more at stake,
words will never trump deeds.

Exceed and lead, numbers, charts.
At the top, fall apart.
Give and give, never stop.
Glimpse a view from the very top.
Work and work and then drop; never claiming the prize.

More than a piece of you dies; lost most of you long ago.
Still never let it show, never disappoint,
Never asked to be annointed.
Don’t recall being appointed, yet responsibility even so;
is quite inescapable.

How far does the bodhi tread?
Until they are dead? No path will be denied.
Walk into the rip tide, swim to the other shore.
What you do is not always what you are here for.

Numb

What is this

I have become

Numb.

And invisible to myself,

I cry for half a minute then

roll a cigarette and forget it.

To forget, I apologize if I misspoke

when I said all those broken words

and intentions

I meant every invitation I never uttered.

Don’t you hear every thing I think?

On the brink and atop my toes,

the shore below beckons with craggy rocks

at times more tantalizing than

the battle at the mountain cliff top.

Martyrdom is so tempting,

a way of taking advantage of the confidence

of blind followers.

Kamikazii and suicide bombers take the easy way out.

That is not a warrior’s way.

Stay.

Fight that shit out to the very fucking end,

if the message you want to send is about

perserverance,

determination,

and conquering the wind.

Wake up the world,

instead of chasing sleep,

and then,

maybe even you

will awaken again.

 

Healing mantra via Radiant Health

Home Page.

Special thanks to Owen and Radiant health for sharing. Namaste!

Synesthesia – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Synesthesia – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Truly fascinating. I am going to find out more.

UPDATE:

http://synaesthesia.fws1.com/main.html

Cool site!

This all started with this.

INTJ -aka Mastermind

INTJ – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Mastermind

that’s me.

INTJs generally have the following traits:

• Able to absorb extremely complex theoretical and complex material
• Driven to create order and structure from theoretical abstractions
• Supreme strategists
• Future-oriented
• See the global, “big picture”
• Strong insights and intuitions, which they trust implicitly
• Value their own opinions over others
• Love difficult theoretical challenges
• Bored when dealing with mundane routine
• Value knowledge and efficiency
• Have no patience with inefficiency and confusion
• Have very high standards for performance, which they apply to themselves most strongly
• Reserved and detached from others
• Calm, collected and analytical
• Extremely logical and rational
• Original and independent
• Natural leaders, but will follow those they can fully support
• Creative, ingenious, innovative, and resourceful
• Work best alone, and prefer to work alone

More so than any other personality type, INTJs are brilliant when it comes to grasping complex theories and applying them to problems to come up with long-term strategies. Since this type of “strategizing” is the central focus and drive of the INTJ, there is a happy match between desire and ability in this type. Accordingly, the INTJ is happiest and most effective in careers which allow this type of processing, and which promote an environment in which the INTJ is given a lot of autonomy over their daily lives.