You know I try. I try to be kind. I try to be compassionate. I arrive at the necessity through a dogged yet flexible application of Logic that always brings me back to the same place. My compassion comes from understanding that most people are mired in the illusion. Warped in delusion, selfishness and greed. Burdened by their own contention with spiritual evolution. Bristling with their jagged forcefield ego. Because why else would they behave that way? Why else be so selfish? If they knew better, the mere thought of it, would destroy me.
I have been homeless for the last 3 years. I have lived (inside) with every kind of liar, addict, thief you can imagine. I have had ample opportunity to foster compassion in my heart and test my theory of Logic based conclusions for the asshattery that I have been constantly bombarded with. So even though I have lived in doors I have been without a home for 35 months.
Make no mistake. I take full responsibility for my part in this. And I couldn’t feel more stupid for my role as chaos facilitator. But for crying out loud. It was not just me. I have had plenty of time to figure out my errors and how to rectify any future tendency I might have to repeat the same crippling choices I made that put me at the mercy of some truly morally bankrupt manipulative assholes.
And while it may not seem very Buddhist to any novice out there, I will share with you what I learned.
Never leave shit unsaid. If you catch someone stealing or lying from you in the house you share, break their fucking balls. No second chances, no looking the other way. It is because I tried to be nice, understanding and nonconfrontational that I verily fostered those who now believed that they could lie to me and that I would not know, which in turn their success only encouraged them to continue.
So PUT A FOOT IN SOMEONE’S ASS. No shit. It will only take once to dispel all wonderings and if they don’t own it, apologize and vow to never steal or lie to you again, then KICK THE LIVING SHIT OUT THEM. No lie. I know it don’t seem very nice. But if they want to behave like hooligans and invade your privacy, lie and manipulate, then by buddha they need their asses pummeled. Don’t make the same mistake I did. They have had the same opportunity you have to learn better behavior, and if no one has taught them any better, then you should consider that the fate that brought you together and it is your duty to impress this lesson on them, lest they strike again.
Also. When you see the first sign that someone is a selfish bastard who likes to manipulate and create drama, lock your doors, find another place to live, because they never get better. Change your phone number, color your hair and feign amnesia when you see them in the grocery store. If their lives are always in drama, the people they associate with are aholes, and various personalities emerge, GTFO. RUN! LIKE THE WIND!
I fucking hate manipulators. I am so sick of people molding reality to suit their own selfish agendas.
I know this is rambling but lastly, TRUST NO ONE. Yeah. That is what I got.
I was kicked out of a house because I would not be’ friends’ (only roommates) with two lonely bitter misogynistic men. I lived with a woman who on my third day stole 75% of my material goods and $400 and put me on the street. I lived with two grown women who threw me out because I caught one of them stealing from me while the other covered up for her. I always paid my rent on time, I never left a mess, and I was quiet and kept to myself. BUT PEOPLE HATED THAT. I don’t need to respect someone to be a housemate with them, but I don’t hand out my friendship to douchenozzles based on geographic proximity. Oh, they hated me for not wanting to be friends. Retrospectively, turns out I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT ABOUT EVERYONE OF THEM. Hmm. Interesting. I did not trust them to be friends with, and then they turned me out on to the street for no reason. Yea. dear people like that: that is a terrible way to argue for the fact that you deserve my friendship. you are assholes. and I am happier to have lived on the street at your hand than i ever would have been trying to be friends with you. Thanks for proving my point. Nice work jerks.
My instincts were right about three day girl but my reflexes were dull. But the misogynists both men and the women, totally caught me off guard. ANd that is my bad.
But how do you ever trust another person when you have watched so many lie right to your face?
Trust no one. I am not bitter. Just uber realistic.
Next time just gonna kick the living shit out of somebody. Believe it.