Dear Thieves.

To all the thieves out there…

God bless you. Your ignorance overwhelms you to distraction where in you cannot clearly see the ramifications of your actions.

People don’t trust you. You are unworthy of respect.  Taking what is not yours is wrong.

But I understand why you do it.

You see things, things you really want, and you equate them with success generally due to the character of the person who possesses them, and you want to feel their integrity as your own, yet, you lack the character to achieve such procurement yourself, maybe you are lazy, maybe you are stupid, but regardless of the trait of deficiency, you are all bound to a selfishness and greed that supersedes the level of dignity most humans abide by.

You are pathetic, and sorrowful.

Yet I feel so much compassion for you.

You are confused. Things do not make us great, and stolen things lead to a great justifiable paranoia that is hard to shake and brings sickness to your life.  Always looking over your shoulder, wondering who you can trust.  Why wouldn’t your things get stolen? I mean, you stole them to begin with. You know firsthand that they can be stolen.  Will they? Won’t they?  Nothing ever feels secure.

You take other’s belongings because its easier than working for them.  You lie and steal because you are weak and suffer from a glaring lack of awareness.

Keep my things. They do not define me. You will never look good in my hats, you will never be cool sporting my handmade bag, and you will never rock my favorite shirt.

These things were cool because I wore them, not the other way around.  And I take pleasure in knowing EVERYTIME you put on my clothes, sleep in my comforter, wear my lids, use my phones, carry my bag, that you will be secretly deep down inside wishing, praying begging god or whomever that you were as kick ass as I am. You will not be.

That is the hilarity of it all. You took my things, because you sooooo want to be like me. I don’t  blame you. If I weren’t me, I’d wanna be me too. No argument here regarding your choice of worship.  You are right to want to emulate me.  Why else take my things??? Pure Freud and a little Jung.  However, sorry to burst your bubble, but you cannot and will not be as cool as I am so long as you have to steal to do it.

I merit my badass status by being a badass.  You can’t steal this. You have to earn it.

And this is the karma of thieving.


About Janis Alanis

Thinker, BS detector, champion of Reason. Unafraid. Ticked off, and riled up. View all posts by Janis Alanis

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